
It was 51 years ago today that Bob and I embarked on this journey called marriage, so this seems like as good a good time as any to look back and reflect on what I've learned.
So much has changed since then. For one thing, when we were married I didn't know anyone who was divorced. Of course, divorce wasn't unheard of, but at least it was rare among Christians. Did we take our commitments and vows more seriously? Perhaps, but it's also true that women then were generally much more dependent on men.
But it was in our generation that things began to change. More women graduated from college and could support themselves if they decided to end their marriages. And it was in our generation that divorce began to occur with increasing frequency in the church. I'll never forget the year we heard about two couples among our close friends getting divorces. The ground shook under our feet and life never again seemed quite so secure.
I don't think there are very many married couples who haven't, at least occasionally, felt so frustrated they wished they could leave the marriage. The trouble is that today they quite easily can. And while I believe there are situations where divorce may the best option - when there is emotional, physical or sexual abuse going on, or mental illness to deal with, or when there are serious problems and one partner refuses to seek help - I also believe that if divorce weren't so readily available, people would try harder to work out their problems
I realize that before divorce was an easy option, marriages weren't always happy. Even though partners stayed together, sometimes resentment and anger smoldered under the surface and they did not enjoy a true partnership. That wasn't good, either. But when partners keep trying to make their marriage work it usually does, in spite of rough, bumpy times along the way.
I won't deny that Bob and I, two eldest children with Irish tempers and leader-type personalities, had our share of clashes. Since a lot of them were over how to raise our children, I know they left scars not just on us (figuratively speaking), but also on the kids. Still, having seen the trauma and insecurity of children of divorce, who divide their time between two sets of parents, I think staying together was the safer course, giving our kids an example of how, eventually, to learn to get along with someone in an intimate situation, and finally to see us reap the rewards of a lifetime marriage.
For rewards there certainly have been! The rough edges have been smoothed off, we share a lifetime of memories, and it's the good memories that last! At our big celebration last year, we shared those good memories not only with our children and grandchildren, but with extended family, too, in a family reunion celebration at the beach in Oregon.
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