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Training Girls to be Good Wives?

Listen to the rant of an old woman!

I heard a news story the other day about a denominational college (Southern Baptist, I think) that has started offering a degree in Home Making to train girls to become good wives. The reaction of most people, including the newscaster, was sarcasm, disgust, and dismay about this "step backwards."

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm happy about the progress women have made, happy that husbands of working wives are more willing to pitch in with home duties, happy to see women taking leadership roles - in short, I consider myself something of a feminist, though not a radical one. In recent years I've even become much less of an obsessive housekeeper myself. I can see more important things than keeping a spotless house in my remaining years, however many they be.

But I do believe that many young women today need to learn a few lessons, that their mothers should have taught them, about how to cook, clean and raise children. After watching a few TV programs like Dr. Phil, and Super Nanny and seeing children totally out of control, after seeing the messy, dirty homes of quite a few younger couples, and after discovering the inability to follow a recipe or make anything "from scratch" of too many younger women these days, I must admit, I am appalled!

No wonder wives have to work if they must "eat out" all the time because they can't cook. I firmly believe that all women - and men, too - ought to know at least the rudiments of running a home. Perhaps if they did that would make a slight dent in the dreadful divorce rate, anyway.

My, I feel much better having gotten that off my chest!

Marriage: Looking Back

It was 51 years ago today that Bob and I embarked on this journey called marriage, so this seems like as good a good time as any to look back and reflect on what I've learned.

So much has changed since then. For one thing, when we were married I didn't know anyone who was divorced. Of course, divorce wasn't unheard of, but at least it was rare among Christians. Did we take our commitments and vows more seriously? Perhaps, but it's also true that women then were generally much more dependent on men.

But it was in our generation that things began to change. More women graduated from college and could support themselves if they decided to end their marriages. And it was in our generation that divorce began to occur with increasing frequency in the church. I'll never forget the year we heard about two couples among our close friends getting divorces. The ground shook under our feet and life never again seemed quite so secure.

I don't think there are very many married couples who haven't, at least occasionally, felt so frustrated they wished they could leave the marriage. The trouble is that today they quite easily can. And while I believe there are situations where divorce may the best option - when there is emotional, physical or sexual abuse going on, or mental illness to deal with, or when there are serious problems and one partner refuses to seek help - I also believe that if divorce weren't so readily available, people would try harder to work out their problems

I realize that before divorce was an easy option, marriages weren't always happy. Even though partners stayed together, sometimes resentment and anger smoldered under the surface and they did not enjoy a true partnership. That wasn't good, either. But when partners keep trying to make their marriage work it usually does, in spite of rough, bumpy times along the way.

I won't deny that Bob and I, two eldest children with Irish tempers and leader-type personalities, had our share of clashes. Since a lot of them were over how to raise our children, I know they left scars not just on us (figuratively speaking), but also on the kids. Still, having seen the trauma and insecurity of children of divorce, who divide their time between two sets of parents, I think staying together was the safer course, giving our kids an example of how, eventually, to learn to get along with someone in an intimate situation, and finally to see us reap the rewards of a lifetime marriage.

For rewards there certainly have been! The rough edges have been smoothed off, we share a lifetime of memories, and it's the good memories that last! At our big celebration last year, we shared those good memories not only with our children and grandchildren, but with extended family, too, in a family reunion celebration at the beach in Oregon.

Out of My Cocoon

Seventy-one isn't really old today, not when more and more people are living to be 100 or older. But it's old enough to know that I'm nearer the end of my life than its beginning, that the sand is running through the hourglass of time faster than ever. I've lived long enough to learn a few lessons and realize how much more there is to learn, long enough to ponder many questions and arrive at a few humble conclusions.

I grew up in the warm, safe, insulated cocoon of the Seventh-day Adventist Church. I attended only Adventist schools. My parents, a lab tech and a nurse, worked in Adventist hospitals. I was provided with all the answers to life's questions. Our church had "the truth." I married an Adventist minister. After ten years of pastoring, he entered administrative work and served on every level of church organization. We spent 15 years as missionaries in the Far East. I have seen my share of church politics and clay feet, but I have also known many godly, dedicated people

Today I still love my church and deeply appreciate the truth it does have, but I have humbly realized that no one has all the truth except God. In many ways I received an excellent education in church schools, but I was not taught to think for myself. I was over 50 before events conspired to open my mind to new ideas. On this blog I plan to share my musings about how this change took place.