Discrimination/Abuse Breed Discrimination/Abuse

Even though I'm not a California resident, I was very interested in the outcome of Proposition 8, that restricted marriage to a man and a woman, thus denying marriage rights to gays and lesbians. It was passed by a rather narrow margin: 52 to 48. Passage of this discriminatory amendment to the state constitution was fueled by some unlikely proponents: those who have themselves been discriminated against.

First, the Mormon Church, which, in the past, was persecuted and discriminated against because of its own "deviant" polygamous marriages, spent millions of dollars in drumming up support for Prop 8.

Second, the Seventh-day Adventist Church, which has long promoted religious liberty and the separation of church and state, became involved through its own religious liberty department in urging church members to vote for the proposition. Adventists, who fear that someday their right to worship on Saturday may be denied them, have, in the past, supported the ban on prayer in public schools and even the right of Native Americans to smoke peyote as part of their religious ceremonies. To turn completely around and promote this invasion of the belief of other Christians that gays and lesbians should have the right to marry, seems incomprehensible to me. They try to argue that gay marriage would somehow threaten their religious liberty, though no minister would be required to perform gay marriages. And they suggest that this does not involve religious liberty because of their suggested differentiation between the first four of the Ten Commandments, which define our duty to God, and the last six which define our duty to each other.

Finally, the largest group voting for Prop 8 was African Americans, a group that has known terrible oppression and discrimination for most of their history in the United States. Of course, it is because of their unbending Christianity that they voted so. Still, one might think that their past experience would give them a greater sympathy for homosexuals who are so marginalized today.

Perhaps the strangest thing of all is that so many Christians, followers of the Jesus with whom the outcast and marginalized found acceptance, are those who have been the source of so much hatred and vindictiveness against gays and lesbians.

Do the abused and persecuted often become abusers and persecuters? Looking back in history, I think of the Puritans who came to America to escape persecution and became persecuters of those in their midst who disagreed with them. Does being a victim create a blind spot, so that one does not notice when one is making others victims? I am thankful for the example of Martin Luther King, and for his wife Coretta, who has forcefully stated her solidarity with gays and lesbians in their struggle for civil rights. I have noticed with gratitude the efforts of many gays and lesbians to respond with "soul force" love to those who discriminate and spread hatred about them. I just pray that when they do finally gain their rightful place in society, they will not become, like so many other abused peoples, abusers of others.

Parents - Again!

At 72 and 75, Bob and I were happily settled into our relaxed, but active, retirement routine. Bob spent many hours working with SAGE, the seniors’ ministry he had started while trust director of the Washington Conference, and enjoyed taking care of our big yard.

I kept busy with writing projects and was very involved in my ministry for families of gays and lesbians. Realizing the years left might be limited, I had decided that cooking elaborate meals were less important than making quilts for our large brood of grandchildren. I had opted for the comfortable, lived-in style of housekeeping so I could find time to read at least some of the hundreds of books on my to-read list.

We weren’t rich, by any means, but we owned our home and Bob had managed our finances carefully so we could indulge in some traveling and occasional tickets to the symphony. We had accommodated changing sleep patterns with individual sleeping quarters. Though we both retired between 10:00 and 11:00 pm, I could read until I relaxed and finally fell asleep in spite of pesky aches and pains and then sleep late in the morning. Bob, who fell asleep when his head hit the pillow but sometimes woke up in the early morning hours, could turn on the light and read till he got sleepy again.

All in all, we were finding this phase of life quite pleasant and rewarding. And then . . .

On a late-August visit to California we stopped to see one of our sons, a landscape designer. We knew the economic downturn had impacted his business, but when we discovered the extent of his financial woes we offered to bring his two youngest children – 8-year-old Brandon and 10-year-old Carolyn – home with us for a few months until he could get back on his feet. He agreed.
And so, our life changed. Arriving back home just before Labor Day weekend, our first order of business was enrolling the children in our local church school. Tuition, we discovered, had gone up a bit since our three sons were that age! We were thankful for the trust fund Bob’s mother had left for Adventist education, which helped with school expenses. We also learned that the school, which enjoys an excellent reputation, has a dress code. Very little they brought with them qualified! Labor Day sales and Good Will netted a preppy new wardrobe of navy and khaki pants and skirts and prescribed matching shirts. We also found warm jackets for Washington’s colder winter.

I gave up my bedroom and moved back in with Bob; we don’t sleep as well, but we enjoy more pillow-talk! The “lived-in” look is even more evident now in our lovely home, which has acquired such new accessories as balls, bats, skates, bicycles, a basketball hoop, fishing pole and a trumpet case. Brandon and Carolyn have, however, developed the habit of making their beds each morning and keeping their rooms reasonably straight.

We weren’t sure what meal-time would be like, as the kids were used to eating pretty much whenever and whatever they liked, including lots of snack foods and sodas. Happily we found that when limited to three meals a day and a good variety of healthy foods, they ate well, with little protest. Our efforts to limit dessert to once a week are occasionally sabotaged by birthdays and Chocolate Night, the Pathfinder fund-raiser, but the sugar-fits have been dramatically reduced! Bob views this new arrangement as a real advantage, because I now fix him breakfast and supper along with the children; he used to be on his own for those meals.

The week-day hours of freedom seem to fly swiftly by. as Bob and I try to accomplish as much of our former pursuits as possible while Carolyn and BJ are in school. I carry a book with me everywhere I go, but still don’t seem to get much reading done. But we’re enjoying re-reading some of our sons’ favorite childhood books as bedtime stories. Quilting is pretty much a thing of the past, too, but it can wait.

Have there been some minor inconveniences and sacrifices? Yes, but they fade into insignificance when we gaze at their innocent sleeping faces; when they squeeze our hands at the end of prayer; when Brandon’s third and fourth grade class enthusiastically sings “Seek Ye First the Kingdom of God” for special music in church, even though he’s on the front row and his shirttail is hanging out; when Carolyn’s candle-lit face smiles at us during her Pathfinder Induction ceremony; when their nightly calls to their parents include repeating the memory verses they’ve learned and Carolyn playing her favorite hymn on the trumpet, which we hope touches the heart of their once-Adventist daddy.

Is it just coincidence that Pathfinder night coincides with prayer meeting, which I hadn’t attended for some time because I hate going out at night? Or that what I thought was my inexhaustible supply of patience has been stretched thin as I try to motivate our fifth-grader to take more interest in schoolwork? Maybe God is not only giving us a chance to make a difference in these precious young lives, but is using them to make some needed changes in ours.